Limiting Beliefs Series: I am not good enough

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Like no matter what you do, how hard you try, or how much you achieve, it’s never quite enough? You’re not alone. Many people carry around a persistent feeling of inadequacy, a voice in their head that whispers they’re falling short. But where does this feeling come from, and why is it so hard to shake? Let’s explore the reasons behind this belief and how to start changing it.

The Root Causes of Feeling “Not Good Enough”

Childhood Conditioning

Much of our sense of self-worth is shaped in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where love or approval felt conditional on your achievements, behaviour, or appearance, you may have internalised the belief that you’re only valuable when you meet certain standards. Over time, this conditional love becomes a lens through which you see yourself.

Comparison Culture

We live in a world where it’s easier than ever to compare ourselves to others. Social media highlights everyone else’s best moments, from career milestones to picture-perfect relationships. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s highlight reel, leaving you feeling inadequate.

Unrealistic Expectations

Whether it’s self-imposed or influenced by societal standards, many of us set impossibly high expectations for ourselves. We think we need to be perfect in every role—the perfect parent, partner, employee, or friend. When we inevitably fall short, we interpret it as a personal failure rather than recognising the impossibility of perfection.

Negative Self-Talk

The inner critic—that relentless voice in your head that points out your flaws and minimises your achievements—can be incredibly damaging. Over time, this negative self-talk becomes a habit, reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough.

Past Experiences of Rejection or Failure

Experiences of rejection, failure, or criticism can leave lasting scars. Whether it’s a failed relationship, a harsh teacher, or a critical parent, these moments can create limiting beliefs about your worth and abilities that linger well into adulthood.

Fear of Judgment

The fear of what others think often keeps us stuck in the belief that we’re not good enough. We worry about being criticised, rejected, or misunderstood, and this fear can prevent us from seeing our true value.

A Lack of Self-Compassion

Many of us are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. When we make a mistake or face a challenge, we’re quick to judge ourselves harshly rather than offering the same understanding and compassion we would extend to a friend.

How to Break Free from the Belief That You’re Not Good Enough

1. Recognise the Source

Take some time to reflect on where this belief might be coming from. Is it tied to specific experiences, people, or cultural messages? Understanding the root cause can help you begin to challenge it.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When your inner critic pipes up, ask yourself: Is this thought true? What evidence supports or refutes it? Often, you’ll find that these thoughts are based on assumptions rather than facts.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that your worth isn’t tied to your achievements.

4. Shift Your Focus

Instead of focusing on what you lack, focus on what you have. Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and qualities you’re proud of. Keep it handy for moments when self-doubt creeps in.

5. Limit Comparisons

Remember that everyone is on their own unique journey, and comparison is rarely helpful. If social media triggers feelings of inadequacy, consider taking a break or curating your feed to include content that uplifts and inspires you.

6. Set Realistic Expectations

Give yourself permission to be human. Aim for progress, not perfection, and recognise that mistakes and setbacks are a normal part of growth.

7. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can offer perspective and encouragement. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see yourself more clearly.

You Are Enough

The belief that you’re not good enough is just that—a belief. It’s not an inherent truth about who you are. By recognising where this belief comes from and taking steps to challenge it, you can begin to see yourself in a new light. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by what you achieve or how others perceive you. You are enough, just as you are.